Give me a minute, I'm thinking...

I really have nothing to say. No funny stories. No good news, but no bad news either. Hey maybe no news is good news.

Wait, I know something I haven't shared! Randy took on a mini-moon 2 weeks ago. We used some of the hotel points he's earned over the past 5 years and went down to San Diego. He looked it all up and also found a new play being presented at the Old Globe. "ACE"- a musical about pilots- talk about perfect, right? So he booked us a one night stay at the San Diego Gaslamp Quarter Hilton. Apparently a VERY big deal.

My hubby is a "Diamond" member of Hilton Points and because of that he can get some nice rooms and amenities. When we arrived they asked us to choose our treat- basically a snack. I could choose from, peanuts, crackers or chocolate buttons. I chose the chocolate. FYI "chocolate buttons" is Hilton code for M&Ms. Also a small bottle of wine- nice huh? They also comped out breakfast at their buffet. Super nice.

We had fun being adults. I really enjoyed the play, Randy did too.
We took a cab to and from the play. The walked around the "gaslamp" district. Like a swanky downtown. It's in the process of being restored but had some great restaurants and silly and expensive shops. We ate a the San Diego Sevilla for a late dinner, super yummy. Then walked back to the hotel.

The next morning we took our time coming home. Stopped in Temecula to look at the Outlets- a bit of a waste, but I was with Randy so I didn't mind.

Overall the trip was SUPER- Thanks Hubby- you rock!


So I guess I did have news- silly me. Helps when you turn on your brain!

Coffee Communication Differences

I'd like a small coffee.

Ok. A tall coffee.

No. A small coffee.

Yeah- A tall coffee.

What? I don't want a large!

Oh do you want a Grande?

Grande? No. I want a small. What's a Grande?

A medium.

Medium? How is Grande medium? Grande means big, right? I mean, when I order the Nachos Bell Grande I want them big!

Oh you want it big? So you want a Venti?

I'm sorry what? Venti? WTF? No I just want a small coffee.

Ok- One Tall coffee...

Tall = Small

Grande= Medium

Venti= Large

I swear men started this company. Is it some sort of coffee compensation relating to the size of their twig-n-berries? Because when something is small I'm gonna call it small- not Tall.

The McDonalds of Coffee*

As we all know, my holiday spirit 2006 was lacking. So lacking that it needed serious CPR to make it through the season. It was lucky I hadn't signed the DNR. I mean it was bad.

So in a last ditch effort to inject some life into my holiday spirit, I decided to take the Friday before Christmas off and spend it with my hubby. We were going to go shopping and just enjoy being around each other. Good plan huh? I thought so, time with my hubby is good for me.

So... I drop the kids off at day care with a smile on my face and head to my local "Starchucks" for some over priced, highly caloric, coffee creation. That's when it all went wrong.

I don' t know about you, but I usually try to avoid "Starchucks". Twice in the last few months I have had bad experiences there. Let me tell you about them...

#1... When you order iced coffee with milk, what would expect to get? Coffee, ice and milk, right? NOT coffee, ice and some nasty-ass syrup! Apparently iced coffee with milk translates into "Starchukian" as Iced Cafe con Leche. Hey, I'm no expert, but doesn't that mean Coffee with milk in Spanish? No mention of said super sweet, super sucky syrup! Besides I don't think "Iced" is Spanish? Anyhow... Guess what I got? Yep, you got it.. No milk and a diabetic fit in the car.

#2... I'm prepared this time... Again I ask for "Iced Coffee with Milk" but I make sure to mention that I don't want the syrup. No, really I don't want the syrup. "Ok!", she says, "No problem!" What do I get? You'll never guess... Hallelujah! No syrup! But wait... Isn't there milk in something that is supposed to be "con Leche"? No Milk? Wait it gets better...

Me: I'm sorry there was supposed to milk in that.

Barrista: No.

Me: on the inside (Excuse me, What? Did she just tell me, THE CUSTOMER, No?)
Me: on the outside: Oh but she said there would be.

Barrista Bitch: (Yes, I renamed her) Oh she didn't tell me. It's over there. (This was followed by a general wave in the direction of the sugar and cream area)

Oh yes, my friends it gets even better...
When I looked at the "Starchucks" shorthand on the cup it said ICCL! Can anyone tell me what that means? Oh my... could it mean Iced Cafe CON LECHE BITCH!

Here's the thing, not even that made me stop going to "Starchucks", #3, however, just might do the trick...

#3...Quick recap: December 23rd, mid- morning attempt to get rid of the Grinchyness...

In an attempt to be quick about it, I drove through the drive-thru. Having a great time chatting with my long lost friend, I quickly ordered 2 drinks and waited my turn. When I pulled up, I decided to quit relying on the ATM card and use an antiquated from of payment called cash. Now, I know that of the various types of cash out there that the $10 bill is not the favorite. Most prefer the $20 and some like the $1. But as a form of cash it is still perfectly legal.

I hand the Barrista (she's not a bitch) my $10 bill and wait some more. As the gal hands me my drinks another Barrista comes to the window, my $10 bill in hand. This is how it went...

Barrista #2:(Voice as sickly sweet as the damn syrup) Do you have another form of payment?

Me: (Shocked and embarrassed) Is there a problem?

Barbie Barrista: Um... There's no strip, the paper feels funny and the back is awfully green.

Me: Umm... ahhh... Use this. (The dreaded ATM)

At this point I had hung up on my poor friend in my shock and amazement. (Sorry Dani) I was so surprised. I was at a loss of what to say and felt guilty for something... what, I don't know.

Barbie Barrista: Sorry about that! (A smile)

Me: Yeah

I drive home angry, tearful and confused. Merry Frickn' Christmas! Stupid counterfeiting people! I needed that $10- nevermind I just spent it on useless coffee. (Hey, I'm in the right here, remember?)

I'd like to tell you that's the end of the story but it's not...

As I stormed into the house, I decided to finally examine said offending bill. Yes, the paper was worn. Nope, no strip. And the back was too green... well, it was green anyway and not the new fancy orange.

Upon even closer examination I discovered the key to the whole scam. That Barrista was too smart for me. She is quite the Counterfeit Catching Queen! Wow, I couldn't get this past her.

It must have been the strip that tripped me up... I should have put the strip in, I just didn't think that the US Treasury Department was using strips in... wait for it... 1963!

Yep- 1963! If you were 47 years old and made out of a fabric paper I bet you'd be a little worn out too. And that fact that you were still green at all is amazing!

Upon reflection, I know that this is a dumb story and a dumb reason to dislike "Starchucks" but who cares, I'm the consumer and I can elect to spend my old, possibly counterfeit, money somewhere else.

1963? Come on... I mean really. TWIT!

But thanks to the valiant effort of my hubby and my best friend, my holiday spirit has survived to see another day. Hopefully it won't need hospice this year.

So be warned- $10 bills are tricky and simple coffee drinks are not worth the time of the sofisticated "Starchucks Barrista". Don't believe me? Just trying ordering a black coffee and see what happens.

*Thank you to Sara for the Title

But Ma! Aren't you Having Christmas This Year?

In our house growing-up my father was teasingly known as "The Grinch" and over the years he has acquired many stuffed versions of said "Grinch" from the typical to the koosh version. My mother has always put up a tree, decorated it with love and homemade ornaments and hung stockings for all of us. What a nice image huh? But you know, as I grow older I begin to see the Christmas hub-bub is a whole new light. Basically I'm becoming a "Grinch" or "Scrooge" or maybe just a grown-up; the jury's still out.

I don't like Christmas anymore. I don't like the pressure to buy more stuff with no money for people who don't need more stuff. Yes, even my kids- they don't need anymore toys- PLEASE for the love of Santa- NO MORE TOYS! Books are always welcome- but really we have a mini library of toddler congress already.

I'm trying to decide if I just have a case of the Holiday blues or not. But really, every year we pick out some poor little dead tree to hang our odd collection of ornaments on. Ten we try to hang lights on the house without falling off the ladder- actually that is kind of funny. I stress out over what to get for everyone. Randy stresses about what to get for me- I stress about what to get for him. We work and work and work to do, do do and I feel like were missing the damn point. All religions aside, really what's the frickn' point??

Then it sort of hit me like a reindeer fart in the face- we do it because our Mama's did and our Mama's Mama did before her. For years my mother carried on with the decorating and false cheer for us- her kids. So it makes me wonder, did Granny do the same for her? Is Christmas tradition just some perpetuated myth about holiday cheer handed down by the mothers of the family. We do it because our ancestors did- not because we necessarily want to, but because we're programmed that way?

Not a very happy thought I know, and I'm not sure I buy it wholesale myself, but it does make me think. Would my mother be much happier on a cruise to Mexico on December 25th than making mashed potoates and ambrosia for us? For that matter how would she feel it I stole her and we ran off to Tahiti for a christmas rum punch and a tropical christmas tree? Now that's a tradition worth starting!

Or maybe we should go to Australia- you know it's full summer there at Christmas time. My friend Natasha, who is from Australia, said they used to leave out a beer for Santa on Christmas eve; no milk and cookies for him! That's a lot of extra weight to carry around in the middle of summer big guy- maybe a few less beers would help (hint, hint)

Either way I think we need to rethink this darn season- because really, we should wish for peace on earth all year round, we should think of others all year round and I for one, would love to give and get presents all year round too! Not because we are expected too, but because someone genuinely thought of us and we did the same. Now that's a present worth giving or getting.

So Ma? Are you having Christmas this year? .... or are we going to Tahiti?

And You Thought This Was A Good Idea Because...?

So they found my nephews car! And it's totally driveable- guess why? Because the idiot that stole it, thought the cops wouldn't notice a 1965 Mustang with a primer hood. Oh no! that must not be the one reported stolen, because there are so many of them. IDIOT!

But officer, it IS my car!

Well sir, is that you back pack?

Um yeah...

Your name is Danny?

Um...

Sir, step out of the vehicle.

MORON!


Merry Christmas Danny- I'm so pleased you can now go back to school and not quit because some moron stole your car. Because having your car stolen is a totally understandable reason for quitting college right? Guess who else is a moron? God love 'em.