A Matter of Give and Take

"They" say that people come into your life for a reason and a season. I find that concept interesting. When I look at the people that are a part of my life right now, I count myself very lucky to have few, if any, people that are solely "Takers". The kind of people that can take from you but rarely give; the people that sap your energy and spirit.
I believe that people are simultaneously Givers and Takers and they can effect each other differently. A Taker from me may be a Giver to you. i accept that this is life, this is human nature, but at the same time I worry. Am I a Taker? I know I am, I know I can be incredibly selfish, but is my Taker to Giver ratio askew? Am I a 60:40 or God forbid a 90:10?
Giving and taking can also be subjective. What if the person I think I am being a Giver to isn't open to receiving and it comes across as Taking? Is the intention of Giving enough to be a Giver? If no one is there to receive are you still giving?
Sometimes, in times of crisis we revert to being huge sponges; huge Takers. In order to survive we can no longer give of ourselves and must recede into an emotional shell. How do you cope with the need to take when forced into a care giving situation? When your loved one is ill and in need of your love and support and all you want to do is retreat into your pain?
At the same time, at what point does Giving become too much? When does it turn into a form of Taking? It can; it does. When you give so much of yourself that the person you are giving to becomes overwhelmed they can start to resent your giving. Then without realizing it, you've become a Taker. A Taker of the worst kind. You know, that whole "Road to hell..." proverb.
The problem with the OVER-Giver is that, eventually, they become so draining and so self-absorbed in their role as giver, that they no longer see the forest for the trees.
It is next to impossible to let an Over-Giver know that they have crossed the line without crushing their feelings. It's devastating to watch someone pour out their soul in giving and see all of the effort, love and pain turned away because it causes pain.
Life doesn't always make it easy to see the Givers and Takers at work. Nor does life make it easy for you to see your own Give/Take reflection. How we see ourselves may not be how we are seen by others.
I can only hope that those to whom I am giving will take with open arms and from those of whom I am taking are well enough to endure my need and in turn, one day, I may be free to give to them in their time of need.
It's all a matter of balance; of give and take.

And So, We Journey On...

2 weeks after my sister died, we learned that my father might have ALS. This was devastating news on it's own, let alone on the heels of Suzie. It has since been confirmed that my father will have to battle an insane disease.
Life has contracted into minuets instead of years. In that spirit, Papa decided to make a Bucket-list. On that list was the desire to see the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone National Park.
I decided that I was going too. Life has become to short to wait. So... we went. We saw so many wonderful things, but my favorite memories will be the times with Papa. We laughed, we cried and we were honest. Nothing in the world will ever take away the joy I feel at having shared a journey and adventure with my father.
I grieve that there may not be any more trips. I grieve for the disappearing future. But I will take joy in the present, in his laugh, in his smiling eyes, how they soften with love at the mention of my children and I will find the joy yet to be lived in his life.
A large bonus from our trip was traveling with my brother. We have experienced so much together these last few weeks, but I am so grateful for the chance to know him as an adult and friend not just an older brother.
Papa, I love you and am proud you are my father. Logan, thank you for the laughs and for the shoulder to cry on.
As so, we journey on... into the known and the unknown and with laughter and love we will endure with grace and dignity.

Spirit in the Sky

And shes gone...
Her journey was long,
Her burden was heavy,
Her smile was bright,
Her laugh was music,
She's gone...

The World Abides

Life keeps moving on...
So I'll begin with the positive.

Abby is attending her first week of camp- DIABETIC camp. Where most everyone there is diabetic; the kids and counselor's . It's awesome. We went for what they call "Transition" camp, where the family stays for the weekend to see how the camp works and how they we be cared for. It is heartwarming to see a place where the kids are so happy and free and no stigma is attached. Diabetes is not something to be hidden and be seen as scary, it's a fact and it's normal. I am SO very happy she is able to attend and find friends.

School is now out for the school year and I am entering the hardest part of my year- summer. Sounds wrong doesn't it?!? But for me, I need a project to function and I don't think of cleaning as a project. I just don't. My mind needs to be engaged or I'm in trouble... Perhaps I'll come up with something.

Randy has started thinking of changing jobs. We've talked a lot about it. I am very lucky to have a partner that seeks my advice on life changing decisions. It looks like a big change is ahead for him, for us, but we will weather it and, in the long run, hope that it is the best thing for our family.

Alexander will start Kindergarten in August- hope they're ready for him :)

Life moves on. The daily chores and needs must be met. We persist.

My sister is dying.
She has Stage 4 terminal breast cancer with metastasis. It's in her bones. She has to stay in a wheelchair and can't lay on a bed. One hip may fracture at any moment. My mother and brother are her primary care givers. She requires pain pills every 3-4 hours. That means very little rest for everyone. Her son, my nephew, is also there to help.
Mostly her care is moving here to and fro. Outside to inside. Bringing her food, drinks, pain meds, etc. We have finally gotten Hospice involved. I feel so useless. All I can do is make dinner and do some laundry but, every little thing helps.

It's time for rest. It's time for peace. It's time... but I am not the timekeeper of another's soul.

I can't seem to cry- the well has gone dry or perhaps is only dammed up for the time being. So I will continue to persist, and make dinners and hold hands and find laughter wherever I can...

Life moves on... time moves on... I will persist... I will

Who are you again?

Hello.
My name is Cat Erickson.
It's a small, yet simple name. Not very hard to remember.
How many people do you know named Cat? (While I know quite a few, I personally think it's a circumstantial thing) I'd be willing to bet I'm the only one. I know you may know several Cathys, Katies, Kates and even a Katrina or 2, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only Cat.
For those of you who know me, I'd also be willing to bet that you wouldn't describe me as a shy personality. Some would even call me obnoxious, although I do try to have some semblance of manners while in public (some- snorting is beyond my control to curtail).
Why is it then, that one of my immediate superiors can't seem to remember who the hell I am? It's not like I am one of several staff membesr that have the same job all over campus. There is only one of me. Only one person that has my job. In fact, of the 23 CSU campuses, I am one of the few people that hold the job title. Not every campus even has my position! That being said, is it really too much to ask that my bosses boss remembers who the hell I am? Seriously?
Forgetting my name once is excusable, twice is unfortunate, but not remembering my name and concurrently not recognizing me sitting in front of you is beyond the pale.
Well, I've decided that next year I'm going in costume. See if you forget me after THAT.... any suggestions? Till then I'll pretend to be safe in the knowledge that if she can't remember me, she can't fire me!