My Golden Home

I am a Native Californian. I was born and raised in Riverside. I've lived in Riverside, Pomona, South Pasadena, Glendale and Fontana. Except for my first 4 semesters of college, I have lived in this state my entire life. However, I have visited or driven through 36 out of 50 states, plus been to England, Japan and visited several of the Caribbean Islands not to mention living in Missouri for those college years. This is not to say I am, in anyway, a worldly traveler or expert on the world, but it does show that I have seen a wide range of places and seen how different people live in different parts of our country and world. All that being said, I really wish people would stop talking trash about my home state. The vitriolic crap said about California drivers, California "problems", or how bad things happen "Only in California", is frankly a bunch of bullshit. Did I miss the news report showing that the other 49 states were crime free, debt free and the economy was only bad in California? No? You mean the ENTIRE country is hurting economically? Hmmmmm... interesting. No, California is in no way perfect. Yes, California can be a very difficult place to live, I don't deny any of this, but it's not as awful as some people say- and the ones that really get me, are the "Californians" that leave the state and then talk trash about "Californians". If you hate my state, leave. That's ok and no skin off my nose. If somewhere else makes you happy, go. But chances are, if you are unhappy now, you'll be unhappy then- happiness comes from within. I've seen drivers elsewhere and honestly, they're just as bad. Why we all think driving is something EVERYONE should do and be good at, is beyond me, but that's another rant. People talk about "Californian" as a whole, but I dare you to call a Southern Californian "Northern Californian" and there could be trouble. NEVER call a Central Californian anything other than Central Californian,ever. Most people put California in to one big lump, but the truth of the matter is California is the 3rd largest state in the union, has over 37 MILLION people living here and is 163,965 square miles of varied topography. There is more to California than San Francisco and Los Angeles. Where I live I can ski and surf all in one day (if I knew how). We have mountains, deserts, beaches, forests, valleys, rivers, lakes and it takes approx 1,028 miles and 19 hours to drive from the southern most part to the northern most. There are so many beautiful and amazing things to see and do here. There are also some of the most amazing people I've ever met here, too. Guess what? It's not so bad, but I also know, having driven cross country, both directions, up and across, our country is GORGEOUS. Each state has its wonders and each is unique; as are the people and cultures and traditions. But I also know the there are assholes EVERYWHERE too, and that is a foible of humanity not geography. We all have stereotypes and they exist for a reason, just don't forget they are stereotypes not rules. Come visit, come see my state (the southern part anyway, come stay with me and we'll have a good time, I promise. We have Hollywood, Vineyards, Disneyland (The Original), baseball, football (up north), basketball, college sports, snow sports, ocean sports, casinos, National Forests, In-n-Out, Del Taco, Breweries and so much more. I only ask that, when I'm headed your way one day, you return the favor and show me your home state and what makes it special. The Golden State may not shine like it once did, but I think with some elbow grease and time we can shine again, but it won't unless people who love it are willing to work for it and proclaim their love for her.

Testing...1..2..3..Is anybody out there?

Well, it's been over a year since my last post. I didn't post AT ALL in 2012 and only 4 times in 2011. I haven't been as verbose since Facebook became the "IT" way to keep up with the daily antics of our fellow humans. I mean face it, it's a hell of a lot easier to type in a quick status than it is for me to write on a blog. Besides, I'm not a "blogger". I don't have a following and I don't have weekly or even daily posts filled with my pithy observations on life around me. I don't get paid to write, hell, I don't even LIKE to write. Yet, here I am, writing (typing) once again and oddly, once I got started, it was a tad easier than I recalled. So now that I've written a paragraph saying that I was gonna write again, perhaps I should come up with something clever to tell you. um... gee... um... well... huh... not as easy as I thought. ok... still thinking... Well, how about this? I am now "teaching" students that were born AFTER I graduated from HIGH SCHOOL. Now, for those of you that are Teachers in the elementary and middle school age range, I realize this is not new to you. HOWEVER, I teach at the collegiate level and dammit, they look like adults and if they look like adults, then they aren't that much younger than me, right? RIGHT??? Shit... not right. I KNOW I am not THAT old. Hell, I still feel 16 half the time and afraid Mom's gonna ground me, but seriously, this is the first time I realized that I'm old enough to be their MOTHER. Oh hell, no. This means there is well and truly a generational gap now and I'm no longer "hip". Ok, ok, so I was never really "hip", but you get my drift. These kids will not get my pop culture references and I sure a hell won't know theirs. WTF is "One Direction" and who is "Ke$ha"? Wow, I'm so square! Wait, is that even used anymore? Has it ever truly been used since 1955?!?! Ok, so now WTF am I supposed to do to relate to these kids? I'm already teaching them some antiquated "skill" that has no place in a digital world, save as some novelty. I think the real difficulty for me, is that somehow now, I see myself as some kind of mentoring figure for these kids and I still don't know my ass from my elbow. I still haven't figured out how the hell to be a put together successful adult. How on earth am I supposed to be a "good example"? BAD IDEA!!! Danger Will Robinson, Danger!! (Like they even know what I'm talking about?) Well, I guess there really isn't much I can do about it. The students stay the same relative ages and I keep steadily getting older. The only alternative is to stop getting older, but that should only happen metaphorically. At least for another 30-40 years, anyway. I've still got some good years left in me and who knows, but the time I figure my shit out, I may be "retro" and have a return to "hipdom"... or at least not simply be "the crazy lady in the costume shop!"

Not-so-happy Reunion...

I've been stewing over something for a good while and have now decided to hash it out.

Recently, I've had a couple exchanges with people that I knew in high school that have left a bitter taste in my mouth. With the advent of social networking/stalking, it has become en vogue to "befriend" all of your long lost classmates. Often times, this is a positive and even life changing experience. However, what several people fail to remember is that high school was literally a lifetime ago. I've lived twice as long as I had then. I've learned more, grown more and in general am no longer that awkward, uncomfortable in my skin, acne faced and angsty teenager. Why then, do they insist on "commenting" on my page as if I am still that person and actually being quite rude about it.
Yes, I was loud and used it as a way to cover my confusion or fear. Yes, I was a smartass, it was all I knew to do to keep from crying. Some of that may still be true, but I am not the same person I was. At least I don't think I am.
What concerns me too is that my "legacy" seems to be one that has left a bitter taste in the mouth's of others. I'm afraid I'm not remembered well. Was I really all that much of a bitch? Did I treat others with the derision I feel now? Is this a case of revenge of the slighted 20 years later?
I was never one of the popular kids. I wasn't a cheerleader or jock. I wasn't class president or even a particularly brilliant student. I was just me. Apparently who I was wasn't so great.
I know I 'm not who I was, and that I am still trying to figure out who I will be, but who I am is a person, with insecurities, hopes, dreams, fears and feelings. I know I am a good person. I am a kind person. I know who I am, kind of.
I am sad that people still judge me by what they thought they knew of me... I guess all I can do is try not to judge them as I remember them but embrace them as I see them.
I hope I can do this because I'm not done growing and changing. Who knows what or who I'll be if I live another lifetime... probably old and cranky, but with one hell of a sense of humor. (I hope)

Is it really THAT hard?

I've now experienced my first sense of discrimination based on my daughters diabetes. Can I just say this is BULLSH!T??
A gut reaction, clearly motivated by fear and ignorance has made it difficult for me to find my children day care. Mention the word "Diabetic" and people start to close down. Instead of staying open and asking how they can help, I am given phrases like, "I'm not sure we can accommodate that". I'm sorry, did you just tell me that you are refusing to help my DAUGHTER WITH A SPECIAL NEED???? To be fair, I hate being told "No", always have, but this is crossing the line.
I'm trying to be open minded myself, and remember that they might not be aware of how a diabetic is cared for and that it CAN be done quite simply. However, why should I HAVE to fight for her to have a spot? WHY????? I shouldn't and, according to the laws of the State of California, I don't have to.
I am NOT a litigious person, but I was THIS close to calling up the American Diabetes Association and invoking the power of the Almighty Americans with Disabilities Act! This poor little Child Care would have been smashed like a bug.
I didn't do that and after an email exchange, a face to face conversation and SEVERAL stupid mix-ups and hoops, the kids DO have a place for day care for the 2 days a week I could get. But NO ONE, especially in this day and age, should have to go through this kind of thing- not because of skin color, gender or special need. It's beyond stupid.

Can you hear me now?

Have you ever stopped to listen to the amount of noise that surrounds us everyday. So called, white noise. I think I may be hyper sensitive to the white noise. I am constantly telling the kids to stop make extras noises, just for the sake of noise. Don't get me started on the noises people make when they eat. Please, don't. Or the dogs, they make so much noise just breathing...
Why I bring this up is I think my home computer hates me. It's loud, stupid loud. The toilet might be in league with the 'pooter too. When is runs at a constant decible level that is beyond normal for any porcelain throne, I want to tear my hair out. The other day I tried to shut off the computer for some actual silence and it kept restarting. And, yes, I did turn off the power strip. The only thing I didn't so was physically rip the cord out of the wall, and it still drones on. Making the dreaded white noise.
In the living room, the X-box whines at me if I'm not using it. Drives me mad and when I do use it, I am amazed at how my ears sigh in relief once I turn it off. Now don't get me wrong, I am not a noise-nazi. I love my music and I love it loud (sometimes). My husband would argue the point, but he has pilot deafness and so I smile and nod my head and let him call me old. (IT's still too loud, dear)
I guess my point is, that I need some actual silence. Some time without man made white noise berating my ear drums. I want to just sit a hear what nature made. Relax in the sun and not be prodded by the phone ringing, email beeping, or any other of the multitude of artificial noises we surround ourselves with.
My ears are tired. And quite frankly, I'm tired of say "Huh?" all the time. Some people would be driven mad by the silence, but I think I'm ready for a little audio vacation. Bring on the ear muffs!!!