I've been stewing over something for a good while and have now decided to hash it out.
Recently, I've had a couple exchanges with people that I knew in high school that have left a bitter taste in my mouth. With the advent of social networking/stalking, it has become en vogue to "befriend" all of your long lost classmates. Often times, this is a positive and even life changing experience. However, what several people fail to remember is that high school was literally a lifetime ago. I've lived twice as long as I had then. I've learned more, grown more and in general am no longer that awkward, uncomfortable in my skin, acne faced and angsty teenager. Why then, do they insist on "commenting" on my page as if I am still that person and actually being quite rude about it.
Yes, I was loud and used it as a way to cover my confusion or fear. Yes, I was a smartass, it was all I knew to do to keep from crying. Some of that may still be true, but I am not the same person I was. At least I don't think I am.
What concerns me too is that my "legacy" seems to be one that has left a bitter taste in the mouth's of others. I'm afraid I'm not remembered well. Was I really all that much of a bitch? Did I treat others with the derision I feel now? Is this a case of revenge of the slighted 20 years later?
I was never one of the popular kids. I wasn't a cheerleader or jock. I wasn't class president or even a particularly brilliant student. I was just me. Apparently who I was wasn't so great.
I know I 'm not who I was, and that I am still trying to figure out who I will be, but who I am is a person, with insecurities, hopes, dreams, fears and feelings. I know I am a good person. I am a kind person. I know who I am, kind of.
I am sad that people still judge me by what they thought they knew of me... I guess all I can do is try not to judge them as I remember them but embrace them as I see them.
I hope I can do this because I'm not done growing and changing. Who knows what or who I'll be if I live another lifetime... probably old and cranky, but with one hell of a sense of humor. (I hope)
