Horror Stories of a Domestic Goddess

Chicken- Part one....

Chicken is an amazing fowl. Delicious, versatile and nutritious. I like to cook with chicken- baked breasts, chicken stir-fry and one of my all time favorites: Crock-pot chicken. Defrost the bird and plop it in the crock-pot with some seasoning and broth, then wait. Yummy- I particularly like to cook it until it shreds very nicely so I can make chicken tacos. My Mother makes the BEST chicken tacos EVER and while I try to emulate her I pale in comparison. That being said- my first horror story begins on an ordinary day, not so long ago.

Having made great taco chicken, I put the rest of the chicken meat into a corning ware dish and put it in the fridge. After a few days, I decided the left overs needed to go on to greener pastures. I had taken the bowl (with lid) and placed it in the sink to be disposed of.

This is where the Duh-duh-DUH! music comes in. I'm not sure what happened to distract me, but for some reason I left the house with the kids... FOR 3 DAYS.

Upon my return, I decided I needed to clean up a bit and should start the dishes. Again, for some reason far beyond me, I forgot about having placed the bowl of fowl in the sink. As I prepared to clean up, I looked at the bowl and literally thought to myself, "Huh. I don't remember having rice recently."

Then my brain decided to stop being on holiday and kicked in... "Why is the rice MOVING!?!?!?!"

Do you know the life cycle of a fly? DO you know how long it take a small amount of chicken to become the premier nursery of maggots? EXACTLY 3 days...

I have (to this point) never been so disgusted in my life.

After screaming and dithering about, I decide to be a big girl and deal with it. GAG.

I not so casually empty the writhing nursery down the drain while simultaneously running the hottest water I can down the drain. THEN I pull out the bleach and proceed to treat my sink like the crime scene it was. NO TRACE!!!! No trace I tell you.... except for the smell....

I was so grossed out I had to call my fellow DG (Domestic Goddess) and beg her for refuge from my disgust. With her kind heart she gave us shelter from the atrocity of maggot chicken.

I haven't made tacos OR crock pot chicken in a while... Luckily I can still eat rice- as long as it isn't moving.

Chicken- Part Two

Has this ever happened to you?

One of my favorite and simple party solution is to make baked or grilled chicken breasts. Currently, our local warehouse store sells it's chicken breasts individually wrapped. Normally this is great. Keeps the freezer burn low and makes defrosting a breeze.

For a recent family party, I pulled out said chicken and proceeded to count out the needed quantity of breasts. I made about 15 chicken breasts that day. A couple days after the party, my husband was complaining about a foul odor in the kitchen. We both looked high and low to find the source of the odor- no luck. It wasn't very consistent, only a whiff every now and then. Quite frankly I was convinced one of our dogs was have intestinal difficulties. If only...

Flash forward to 3 days later- yes that's right- 3! I come home and prepare to make dinner. I've started my son on his asthma breathing machine and needed to set the timer. As I enter the kitchen I again get a whiff of the most vile stench ever. "Dammit dog!", I say... poor dog, so maligned...

Then I begin to sniff around... as I do my nephew prepares to take the trash out, just in case that is the offender. I open the oven- no smell. I open the microwave- no smell. I sniff the garbage disposal- nope. I fling open the fridge and begin to dig through the typical thing: milk, cheese and veggies. NOTHING! As I disgustedly begin to stand up something catches my eye, a flash of pink where it doesn't belong.

Lo and behold, stuck between the fridge and the cabinet it an AWOL chicken breast, still in its package. However, said package has a hole. Not a very big hole but a hole none the less. "A HA!", I yell.

Then I did something stupid- I picked it up. I picked it up with no trash bag near by.

The stench of decaying chicken is surely the mostly disgusting smell ever. Dead chicken. FOUL fowl. And then stench is one that lingers and fills a room like an invasive fiend.

After running to the trash bag my nephew bravely holds open and screaming at my poor son to keep his breathing mask on, I run around the house trying to open every window and door. Nothing short of total demolition would've cleared out the stench. It was terrible.

I tried grabbing the Lysol and hosing the kitchen with it, but then it smelled like clean linen death. The Laundromat in hell. The devils febreeze. Gross.

Retreat in the face or rather, stench, of death is not to be ashamed of.

Thank goodness for my fellow DG- AGAIN... I called her and begged refuge in her home... Again, while laughing, she graciously offered us sanctuary.

So instead of cooking chicken at home that night, we shared horror stories over hot and gooey pizza. I have faced down then stench of death and did not let it win. I ate pizza instead.

I won't be eating chicken for the next 6 months... sigh... guess I better figure out how to make hot dog tacos.

I'm not a DG for nothing!