A New Year

Two thousand and eleven. I will be 35 years old. More than half my life may have passed me by.

What have I done that is of merit in those 35 years? How will I be remembered? Who will wear red to my funeral? What kind of foods will be made in my name? Who will stand and speak of me and what will they say? What music will be played?

These are morbid questions and very egocentric, but they do make me pause a reflect.

Am I a person worthy of being remembered? Will I be worth remembering when my time comes. Life is so unpredictable that who knows when that time will be. That makes me think I should act and be the person that I want to be remembered at all times. That's hard. VERY HARD. STUPID HARD.

I have bad days (lots) I have lazy days. I have days where I'm not the best person I know or could be. What if that's how I'm remembered? For my bad days.

People tend to remember us for how we made them feel. Will I be remembered for making people feel good or bad? Feeling sad? Angry? How will they feel?

I want to be remembered as a good person, but that's not enough.

It's a new year and already it has not started on the best foot... I seem to trip myself up a lot. Is a new year really symbolic or just an excuse? Shouldn't we be a good person all the time; regardless of season or calendar? Yes, but I think the new calendar and new years gives us the impetus to try again, to begin again.

So here's to a new beginning... a new year... a new chance to be the person I want to be remembered for... and if it doesn't work out well there's always 2012... shit, doesn't the world end that year?? Best get my ducks in a row!